I don't ever want you to be mistaken about me. I am what most people would consider a happy woman. I'm surrounded by a family that loves me. I have a husband that still looks at me like he's newly in love. My kids are funny and creative and ornery and interesting. They're all genius in their own way. I could go on for days about my kids! We live a typical suburban life. I consider myself a Christian in process. Meaning only that I am forever growing in my faith. In my understanding of what the Bible really means. I'm learning every day how to pray for myself and my family. However, I'm not the kind of person who looks at a situation and instantly finds Jesus in it. Sometimes I swear. Sometimes I make fun of people, not always to their face. I often disagree with other Christian's on religion, gay rights and whether or not we should ever get divorced. I have my opinions on abortions and sex before marriage. I have a whole slew of opinions that would make my pastor gasp!
What I believe is, God loves us so much He sent us His only Son to die in place of us, for the sins we just won't stop committing. I believe Jesus died for me (and you too) and that He loves us. ALL of us. Even the people doing time on death row for murder. Even that homeless man who flies a piece of cardboard that says "Anything helps." Even you, on your worst day, when you scream the "F" word at the driver who cut you off in traffic.
I used to care what people would think of me if they knew my life story. I used to be afraid to tell people the things in my life that aren't happy and shiny. Ask me and I will share my testimony with you, because I do have one. We all have one. If you ask me, be prepared to listen because I will tell you, in detail what I went through, what I've overcome and how I prevailed. I will share with you how God has taught me more than all my years in school.
What I'm really beginning to understand is that what really truly matters is my walk with God and the people who surround me every day. The 5 other people who make up my family. They are the ones I most value. They are the ones I cling to and want to hide away with when things in my life aren't pretty and shiny. No one makes me laugh as much as my husband and children. No man on this earth makes me feel more loved, more alive than the man I married over 17 years ago. My kids make me more proud than I ever dreamed. What matters is them. What matters is Jesus. As long as I have my family and Jesus in my circle, I can get through the worst of times.
I am pretty certain in this next season of my life I will piss a LOT of people off. I may lose friends (but if I really lose them, were they truly my friends to begin with?). The truth is, I can only be me. And, I am learning who that is more and more each and every day. I won't ever pretend I'm perfect or have all the answers, but what I can promise is I am always just me.
