Thursday, September 25, 2008

Stop pointing

A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path."
-- Agatha Christie

As children we are taught to respect our elders. As parents, we teach this same lesson to our own children. In the 35 years I have been someone's child, I have always believed in this theory. However, now I have also come to realize, we must only respect those who respect us in return. Why must we be respectful of someone who blatantly disrespects us? I'm not talking about going around running your mouth and saying horrible things to this person. I'm not saying disrespect them in a way that will hurt them. What I mean is, if someone wants to be respected, shouldn't they in turn behave in a respectable way?

I have learned a lot in the 13 years of being a mom. Some of the most important lessons I've learned are, parents make mistakes and aren't always right, and in turn I've learned, I am a great mom. I used to think I needed someone else to tell me that. That, without someone else's approval of my parenting style, I must be doing something horribly wrong. Guess what? In the, as-before-mentioned 13 years of being a mom, I have taught all 4 of my children; manners, respect(to give and act respectfully), compassion,love,humor,humility,thanks and integrity. I have always been complimented on my children by perfect strangers, by teachers, even by family. I am proud of my kids. I love knowing without a shadow of a doubt, my kids are exactly who they are supposed to be, and each of my boys are turning into beautiful,honorable men, both inside and out, and my daughter, is turning into quite the young, passionate and always opinionated(aren't we all?) young lady. I know it hasn't been all me, Warren has had his hand in it as well, I just feel a great deal was on my shoulders to show and live in a way befitting of the kind of people I wanted my babies to grow up to emulate. They aren't too proud to admit when they're wrong, they aren't too stubborn to keep an open mind and heart about things they are passionate about. They are passionate about things.

I know who my kids are, and I know the kind of life they have. No, I'm not saying it's been perfect or easy. I have made a lot of mistakes being mom, but in turn, I've learned a lot from my mistakes, every last one of them.

I've also been able to reflect on my own childhood and mistakes my parents made. I don't think any parent is perfect. I don't think any child is perfect. I think if we're not careful we forget that. God didn't make us perfect. Sure we're all made in God's image, but we can never profess perfection. I believe in my heart that before you can point fingers at someone else, you should put yourself in front of a mirror and point at your reflection and ask yourself "what have I done wrong" Instead of always pointing at others and telling them what THEY do wrong.

Where is all of this coming from?

I am going through a very personal hard time. Someone I always felt was on my side and one of my very best friends, has turned her back on me because she feels what I'm doing as a parent is "not good enough" I'm being accused of favoring one child over another and in turn, this gives her the go-ahead to treat the child I supposedly favor, like less than worthy. I've had a lot of time to think about this and I've concluded that I just am not going to fight it. I refuse to stand my position and explain why she's wrong and why she is not seeing the whole picture. I will not back down from where I stand, not because I want to out stubborn her, but because I know I am a great mom and I have done nothing wrong. I feel like I'm under some sort of microscope and I don't deserve it. If you met my children, you'd understand why I feel that way. I was very angry at her for awhile, then I was very hurt. Now, I just feel badly for her because she's missing out on watching my children grow and succeed. She's missing out on seeing them smile and laugh and watch as they become who they are supposed to become.

I will always be someone's child, but most importantly, I am now someone's mom. I will never let someone tell me how they think I should raise my children. Again, if you met my children, you'd see why I don't feel I need any help in that. They are four very well adjusted, happy, compassionate, blessed and hysterically funny kids. They each have a passion for something, and are each talented and gifted in their own "thing" I could not be more proud of them, I could not be more proud of who they are becoming with every day that passes.

Remember this... as a parent we all make mistakes. It is always easier to point out someone else's mistakes and downfalls, than it is to look at yourself in the mirror and see where you went wrong. Before you point a finger, reflect on your 'self', better yet, don't point fingers. Didn't your parent's teach you that pointing isn't polite?

Monday, September 15, 2008

So i was thinking....

I was thinking, if I could go back to high school and have a 'do over', would I jump at the chance? My initial reaction is to say, no WAY! I wouldn't want to go back for anything. Then I thought about it some more and my answer changed.


High school for me was a great experience. Sure there was drama, sure there was tragedy(that's another blog, for another day) sure there was heart break and hard times. What stands out to me is the fact I really was naive about a lot of things that would crop up later in my life.


I really wish I had paid more attention in History class and even psychology class. I really wish I had looked at it as a time of learning, instead of a time to sow my proverbial oats. Don't get me wrong, a lot of who I am today, even this many years later, are a direct result of who I was in high school. The people I met, the boyfriends I had. Even the teachers, some of them, made me who I am. For instance, where would I be today had I not had Mr. Farthing to turn to when I needed an ear that day? Who knows? Where would I be without the experiences I had, both good and bad? It seems almost trivial to look back on it and pick apart what I would do and what I would change.

Would I choose the same boyfriends? Probably. Would I have the same friends? Most definitely. Even with the negatives, the experience as a whole was worthwhile and exciting. I would wish though, that I could go back just to tell certain people, certain things, that maybe would save them a lot of heart ache in the future. But who am I to take away THEIR life experiences, of which made them who they are today? Some of the boyfriends I had, brought values to my life. Sure I have some regrets.. things not worth going over NOW, but if I went back, I would definitely never had, had that conversation with Shane Cowan outside the Sophomore hall. I would have held tighter to the people who actually meant something to me. Said thank you, to more teachers.

All in all, what I experienced wasn't dreadful by any means. Though at times it sure felt like it. Its why I am, who I am today. It's why I can see through people and reach their very core at first glance. Its why I can relate to people who may not have the same background as me, or the same upbringing, the same influences, but they, like me, all had one common goal in life, and that was to succeed, to grow and to change for the better every single day. And we did.

So i ask you, would you go back to high school? IF you could, what, if anything, would you change about your experience there? What would you say to your best friend, what would you say to that boy or that girl, that always roamed the halls alone and looking fearful. Would you now, with the wisdom you have now, embrace that person and get their story? What if that person was you? Would you reach out to more people? Would you change your recluse self, or would you keep being the same. Picture yourself, with the life wisdom you have now, and put it into the body of a 14, 15, 16 or 17 yr old. Think of the lives you could change. But would you? Would you change their lives? Or let them live as they were meant to, to become who they are, or aren't, today as a result of who they were in high school. Are there any grudges you'd let go of? Is there something you'd say to someone, that all these years later, you wish you had? or would you just leave well enough alone?

So my short answer is, yes AND no. I would love to go back, because I'd pay more attention to things and people around me. I'd take less for granted. I would be less focused on the boyfriend and more focused on the classwork, because in the end, what is more lasting? High school boyfriends? Sure, for some.. or is it knowledge? IBut, I also say no, because I wouldn't want to change who I am today, but going back and changing anything about that time. It's a double edged sword isn't it? School House Rock taught us Knowledge is power right? Or was that Sir Francis Bacon? What would YOU choose?

Friday, September 12, 2008

Stacey McDaniel 1975- 2008

I come here with a heavy heart today. A very dear friend, someone I considered a sister, has succumbed to cancer. A cancer she has fought off twice before. I am heartbroken and feeling very helpless. I just want to go and help out where ever I am needed, but I know, the best I can do right now, is pray for Stacey's children. I knew Stacey through an online playgroup that has been together for 8+ years. We have seen many things in that time, births, deaths, divorces, marriages, weight loss, we even have a published author. We are all very different yet, we all hold true, one value. We love and cherish the people we have come to know. When something like this happens, I know it's best to pull together and pull strength from each other. each of us knew her, some more than others, but we all loved her, and cherished her. The person that Stacey was can be defined in so many ways. I choose to define her with one word. Heroic. Since 2003 she has battled this disease. She has overcome so many things. Things I don't know if I could deal with, with as much poise and respect as she did. Through everything she went through, the one thing that stayed constant was her love of her children. They were everything to her, absolutely everything. In her darkest hours, it was her children she worried about, not herself. She fought hard and long to fight this disease and in the end, it took her life anyway. I'm trying hard to understand it, why people like Stacey are taken in the prime of their lives. Why someone as strong and brilliant as Stacey, had to leave her children behind. I know God has another plan, there will be a blessing, or many blessings, that come from this tragedy. I am holding true to that fact. Stacey is missed, and she is loved. She was a hero to so many people. Her life touched everyone who met her, her story, was one of courage and strength and I pray her children know their mother would have scooped the stars out of the sky for them, if they'd asked her to. I love and miss you Stacey, your children will always be in my prayers. I will never falter in that. You were an inspiration in your life, and illness and you will continue to be an inspiration in your death.

May the Lord bless you, and keep you;
The Lord make His face shine on you,
And be gracious to you;
The Lord lift up His countenance upon you,
And give you peace."'

Here is an article written on Stacey recently

Monday, September 8, 2008

My Music Monday pick

So over on my friend Stef's blog, it's Music Monday and she's asked us what song is singing to us. I didn't have to think long about mine. Recently my family and I have returned to church. We moved to a new part of town and hadn't really been in church for a very long time. Dare I say, many years. Warren wanted to go, but I had lost my fire for it, my eagerness to know the Lord. I wasn't a church go'er as a child by any means. When I was in 7th and 8th grade I went to a local church of Christ in my hometown, and was a part of the Youth Group.

I was Saved, when I was in 7th grade.

I remember our Youth Group was helping a band that was going to perform the following night, set up their equipment. A friend and I were talking to the band leader and our pastor was there. The leader of the band, who, back then seemed older and wiser, but thinking back from where I am now, was possibly no older than early 20's. He talked to me about being saved, asked if I had been. I of course hadn't. I didn't even know there was such a thing. I was quite naive in the whole Christianity spectrum. He and I, and a few others from my group, chatted for quite a while with my pastor. He explained to me the reason people are saved. How they are saved and what it means. I was challenged to look inside myself back then, to see if it was something I felt deep inside me, that I wanted to do for my life. I was moved so much, at the thought of what being saved meant for me. I asked my pastor to help me out and sure enough, that night, I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I can remember how I felt in that moment. I felt an encompassing peace come over me. I cried, literally cried on the altar at what I had felt. It was an amazing moment for me, and was very personal to me.

Through out the years since then, I have done, as many people do, I sinned. I did and said and acted in a way that was unbecoming to not only a woman, but also to a Christian woman. I'm not proud of it, I'm not here to say I'm glad I did it, because I'm not. However, I learned from it, I grew from it and I understand more now than ever, how living a life in the way God would want us to, is more important than fitting in and being popular.

I stopped going to church before I hit high school. I never looked back, not once.

Several years ago, Warren and I decided together, that raising our children to go to church and learn about God was something we as parents, truly wanted for them. We wanted them to walk in the Light and understand who Jesus is, and what He did for us. We started going to church, then we moved, and tried very hard to keep driving across town to keep going to the church. Warren really wanted to go, and wanted to try the little church down the road from us, but I hesitated and declined and dug my heels in. (I'm a very stubborn girl!) We never did go. Right after we moved here, we found a little church not even a mile up the road from us. That first night there, I was so moved by the Worship music and the Word, that I couldn't wait to go back. We go, every Saturday night now, schedules pending. It's something we look forward to, ache for. I know, for me it is a way for me to reconnect with me. It is a way for me to connect with Jesus, and check in, so to speak. During Worship I sing my heart out and cry during most every song because they each speak to me in ways I cannot describe to you. Music feeds my soul.

This song, though it has more video's with more music, speaks to me more than the others, because it's just him and some instruments in the background. His message comes across and every time I hear him sing it, all sing along and say Amen.

So here is MY pick for Music Monday

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Who said they could grow up?

I don't get it, why do kids have to be so defiant? They grow up, and become independent and don't want their MOMMY walking them to class? I really think kids these days need more 'mommy' in their lives. They need to be TOLD mommy WILL be following you to all your 8th grade classes and you WILL like it. Mommy WILL walk you to 2nd and 3rd grade and you'll smile and ENJOY IT!

Bratty kids....

Austin decided last minute he wanted a ride to school, so we got in and dropped him outside by the crosswalk. It took everything in me not to scream HAVE A GREAT DAY PUNKINSEED!!!!! MOMMY LOVES YOU!!!! I think I'll save that for another day..

Josh(the 3rd grader) and Ryan(the *gulp* 4th grader) bot BEGGED me to let them out at the sidewalk and let them walk themselves to class. I was having NONE of that of course. I h ad my camera and my tissues all ready. Then, we approached their new school and the line of cars was UNREAL! Not to mention there was no parking anywhere. So, I asked them, how important it was that they got to walk themselves to class(very important).. so I said ok.. but ONLY because there was no way for me to park and get out etc. Thankfully, dad was along for the ride, so I shoo'd them out of the car, equipped him with my camera and off they went. It was a huge trust thing for me, to allow Warren free reign with the picture taking. I was between a rock and a hard place though. He did great, I will say, he really did. I was proud. Ryan and Josh, affectionately known as 'the twins' made it to class.

Warren walked Josh to his class first, and took his picture

then walked Ryan to his class, and did the same..

on his way back around, to come out, he had to pass by Josh's classroom door, and standing there in the door was a panic stricken Josh..

"dad! this is a 3rd grade class!!"

"Yes Josh, you're a 3rd grader now"

HUGE grin
"Oh YEAH!"

Poor guy!

But they're there, and hopefully doing fine, no, they are fine.. yeah I'm sure of it

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

I'm pretty sure I have the coolest kids in the world....

The teenager, a boy who knows he's way cool and has the greatest personality a mom could ask for. POLITE even.

There's the 9 yr old boy, who as a baby looked like Einstein with the white hair. He's our genius,we refer to him as 'the professor' and who sometimes looks at us like we are crazy aliens.

There is also the 8 yr old, 17 months younger than the professor, who has a heart of gold and would defend anyone he loves, against anyone named Goliath, he's our David.

Then, there is our 5 yr old, sweet dainty princess. She's not really as dainty as one might think, but she's being raised with 3 very rough and tumble boys, and she isn't afraid of mud or creepy crawlies.

That pretty much sums up the 4.

Also in this story are a husband and a wife who try their very best, doing the best they know how. Though they sometimes screw up, they always learn from it. Though they sometimes forget to p
ut themselves first, they always remember to put God first.

Oh and there's the dog... affectionately called "Doof" because, well, he is one.

I hope you enjoy this wild ride of ours. I can't promise to be a daily read, but I can promise to pull out all the stops and shine a l
ight into this here life of Wilson's. God bless and keep...