Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Trust and the church and restoration
As it happens sometimes, we lose our direction. I posted something a few days ago that you may or may not have read.. Read it here I was very upset, feeling betrayed by people that I thought were on the same path of Christianity as I am. It was a profound feeling of pain and confusion. I did a lot of praying, because when all else fails.. pray! I did a lot of inner self reflection and where I can say I was a bit more at peace with things.. as much as one can get to a feeling of peace in this type of situation, I just wasn't feeling like I should, or like I did before this whole mini crisis.
So yesterday, I received a phone call from the man who headed up the Walker Beautification project. At first I wasn't sure what to think or feel. I expected a "Hey I'm really sorry about your clippers, better luck next year" which I would have appreciated, don't get me wrong. I would have seen that as someone reaching out and saying they heard me and it was all going to be okay. However, that wasn't what happened at all. He explained the situation, that it wasn't just the church and various football players and wrestlers from the high school, as I had first stated, it was also a lot of people from the community, specifically, the community we were helping out. People who are in need, and hungry and desperate. He said it's more likely it was one of them that took the clippers. After hearing that it did seem more likely that was the case. Frankly, if it was someone who was in need, I don't feel as bad about losing the tool. I hope it is something they needed and will use to make something beautiful in their yard. Or maybe they will sell it for money to buy food, or milk for their baby. I pray whatever the reason, it is pure.
I feel better about this whole ordeal because, although my walk with God hadn't faltered, my faith in my fellow Christians had. It was a lonely, sad feeling I must admit. I have said it before, and I will say it again and again, our church really is a phenomenal place. Our pastor, is amazing, and I really had a difficult time swallowing the idea, that there were people there that I wasn't going to be able to trust, or look in the eye. It was something i struggled with because in a world where I feel uncomfortable in my own skin, inside those doors, within the walls of that church, I felt like I belonged and wasn't judged. The thought of leaving that behind was a scary one for me. It took me way too long to get back into church... we spent 5 years not going, not serving. When we moved to West Salem last March, and found West Salem Foursquare Church, we felt like we had found home. The instant feeling of acceptance and love and peace and comfort, were all there the second we walked through the doors. We haven't turned back since. I didn't want to.. I don't want to.
I feared I would though, I feared that whole incident was going to drive me away from there. Even though I knew in my heart of hearts, that was what the enemy wanted, it wouldn't have stopped me, because my heart would have been turned against it.
The good news is, it's all fixed.. my heart is healed, my spirit renewed, and this whole process makes me want to get more involved with the Dream Center, more involved with those in need. It doesn't make me feel ill towards them, it makes me more determined to help out. Maybe I will be able to answer phones or something at the new medical center or maybe I will pass out clothes and food.. whatever it is Lord.. bring it to me, I'm ready!