Monday, February 14, 2011

Forgiving a Monster?

Just needed to get this off my chest.

I recently saw an episode of a television show where a woman was raped. The horror she lived after the rape, the feelings she carried..all of it are real. I know the show has writers and actors, but the emotion, the terror, the pain, both emotional and physical that the character portrayed is something I have lived.

The episode I watched today, she was able to face her attacker and break him down in her mind from a big horrible monster, into the pathetic little man that he is. I never gave myself that opportunity.. My circumstances were different, way different, but the core issue is the same. She forgave him. She forgave him not for him.. but for herself. I remember that feeling.. I remember the day I was able to lift myself out of the shame, self blame and self pity of what happened to me, to stare him down in my mind and forgive him for what he did to me, for what he took from me as a 15 yr old child. The forgiveness set me free in so many ways. I can truly live a life knowing what true forgiveness means.. what it feels like to the very core of your gut.

Jesus does the same for us. I get it. He forgives.. even the monsters of the world, He forgives them.

Forgiveness isn't something that comes easily. It isn't always something that comes right away.. mine came at the age of 28.. when I was finally able to feel strong enough to face that demon and truly forgive what was done to me.

I am not really sure what this is going to accomplish, or who it will reach.. but for today, this is just for me. Forgiving someone for something they have done, whether it's done to or against you, is a true gift to yourself. I'm sure that Jesus cringes when we do wrong, but He loves us enough to forgive us. I loved myself enough to forgive someone else. That is the greatest gift I've ever given myself.

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